Grief on the go or something for later
Introducing a new way to categorise these newsletters...
If we’re being entirely honest, anything with the word ‘grief’ in its title doesn’t exactly sound like the most thrilling read… it is quite the literary turn off. A bit like how ‘mandatory training’ automatically sounds boring. Or how the word ‘holiday’ can make you think of beaches and hot weather. We have a lot of preconceptions about reading and talking about grief. It can automatically seem like it will be deep, deathy and a real dampener on your day…
However, like a holiday can also involve arguments in the hire car and sun burnt shoulders, reading about grief can be other things too. It can be digestible and gentle (my aim for most of these newsletters!). Or random and mildly amusing. Or even tepid and uninteresting….Essentially, while sadness and grief are very pally (best friends even) not everything written about it needs to be serious and sad. However, as you often won’t know if this is the case until you’ve read the whole thing, the safest decision might be to avoid it completely (which is what I used to do in the early years of grief).
While I won’t be able to anticipate what you might think about something I have written (!), I can try and anticipate what might be a more digestible read, or what might require a bit more time for reflection. I can sign post in a way that counters the potential ‘I’m not in the mood for something sad’ sort of thoughts.
I will do this in the form of a small rating system, to let you know (a little) of what to expect with each newsletter. A bit like when you’re ordering a curry and the number of chillis alerts you to the spice level. Each piece will include an image to reflect a sort of ‘griefy rating’ (for which there are three). This will let you know if it is something you could read ‘on the go’ or if you might want to save it for a better time…
Introducing the griefy ratings
Feeling Griefy ‘on the go’:
You can read this scrolling on your phone waiting for the bus. Or as you wait for the kettle to boil. It’s the most digestible of nibbles. A salted peanut. Sometimes it could be a one-line quote. Other times, a short list of TV shows that are good to watch when feeling really griefy. This is for the random, short and light-touch stuff.
Coffee and croissant:
This is probably reflective of most of the pieces I have written so far. It’s meatier than a nibble, but not as rich as a main. A soup starter perhaps? It’s a piece to prompt some gentle thinking or give a subtle griefy insight. These pieces might vary in length (but not in intensity). One week it might be perfect to read while waiting for a takeaway coffee or on your commute to work. Another time, if it’s slightly longer, it might suit a croissant moment at the breakfast table…
Sip and digest:
You might want to create a ‘moment’ for this piece. Like a quiet Sunday evening when you have space to digest and reflect. Or if you are feeling a bit melancholy and want to lean into your feelings. While I don’t think I’ll write many of these pieces, if I do decide to explore the messier sides of grief and death, this will be my way to let you know.
Now, my rating system won’t always work. Maybe a ‘coffee and croissant’ read for one person, is a ‘sip and digest’ moment for another. There will also be a few pieces that might sit between two ratings… What I imagine will happen is I will include one of these images, but with a caption that gives a bit more context if needed. We shall see…this newsletter is evolving!
Essentially, this is all part of my quest to make reading, writing and talking about grief more doable and digestible. But like drinking coffee straight after brushing your teeth, I don’t want some parts to taste funny because you read it at the wrong time.
These amazing drawings are done by my special and talented friend Amelia McCurdy (who also made the original Feeling Griefy coffee and croissant lino print!). She also makes (and finds and eats!) the most delicious and wholesome food which you can nosey at here @marigolddough